Young Unwed Mothers

Over the holidays I got a chance to see Juno; which is an amazing movie about a 16-year-old girl who gets pregnant and her decision to carry it to term and give the baby to adoptive parents. It's a fun, quriky movie that has a lot of humorous parts but it also is very moving.

It's not a dramatic/traumatic look at the whole thing: in general Juno's family and friends are supportive. It's a look at the way relationships work and how pregnancy and motherhood factor in to that. At one point Juno's father asks her what she's been up to and she says "oh, just out dealing with things way beyond my maturity level." I think that's basically the theme of the movie: how one girl deals with something big, serious and unexpected and comes out on the other side as a stronger person.

It doesn't get in to the whole abortion/anti-abortion debate very much, other than the fact that Juno considers all her options and decides that what she wants is to have the child. As someone who is pro-choice, I consider this a good thing. The point about being pro-choice is that you want all the options available to women. If they choose abortion, that's great; if they chose childbirth, that's great, too. Both of those decisions are great precisely because they were what that individual woman decided on. It's her decision. Not mine, not yours, hers.

So, Juno is a fantastic movie. Very fun and a clever look at relationships and pregnancy. I very much recommend it.

This movie pick for New Year's Day was made a little bit more topical because a few days previous a relative of mine was complaining to some of us about how one of her young co-workers had gotten pregnant. I'm not sure of the woman's age, my relative didn't say other than a strong disapproval of someone "so young" getting pregnant out of wedlock. And there-in lies the kicker: the out-of-wedlock part. My relative was up in arms at this whole thing and was bad-mouthing the woman about how stupid the she was to get pregnant and how further stupid she was to actually plan to have the child. I don't find pregnancy out-of-wedlock to be the end of the world but I couldn't vocalize this to my relative. I asked if the father was at least sticking around and she said yes. I expressed my opinion that, that being the case, perhaps this wasn't the disaster she was making this woman's pregnancy out to be. I was met by a blank stare and then further ranting about the young woman's future being ruined.

I admit that I don't necessarily have mainstream views on a lot of issues related to women but I thought we'd gotten past some of the handwringing and pearl-clutching about women having children out of wedlock. I was kind of surprised to hear so much lamenting about that.

I can see where people are coming from when they say that someone is "too young" to get pregnant, but I completely fail to understand why people insist on shaming and blaming these young women for their choices. Yes, it would be ideal if every young person (male or female) knew about and used properly, birth control. Yes, there are better times in life than others during which to have children. However, the facts are that sex education in this country is woefully inadequate and most people are simply not taught how to avoid pregnancy. You cannot blame these "young unwed mothers" for getting pregnant because in most cases, they didn't really know how to avoid it. Do not bring up abstinence, I will laugh at you.

You also cannot blame these young women for choosing to have children. No, it may not be the ideal time for having a baby but for whatever reason, their decision was to carry it to term. You have to damn well respect that. Why? Because it's not shameful to bring a life into the world, it's not irresponsible to want to love a child, it's not wrong to stick to your own beliefs about when life begins.

Pregnancy isn't some badge of shame. I have met more people than I would like (pro-choicers and anti-choicers alike) who heap shame, anger and guilt on women who choose to have children in trying circumstances. We shouldn't be blaming these young women for their decision to have a child, we should honoring it!

In Juno, an ultrasound technician makes a disparaging comment about it being a good thing than Juno is giving the child up for adoption, with the implication that Juno would be an unfit mother. Juno's stepmother stands up for Juno and lectures the technician. She tells her that she should stick to her job description and keep her opinions to herself. That's how I feel, too.

We should be supporting youg unwed mothers, not judging them. If they're undecided, we need to present the options and give them honest assessments of the future (with the realization that they may not take our advice). If they're decided we need to either give them our support in making things easier for them, or get out of the way.

Motherhood isn't something disgusting and evil. It's not wrong to have a baby. Motherhood isn't something anyone, of any age, should be blamed for.